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A transition from a destruction mindset to a creative mindset.

My mind is the darkest place I’ve lived in, and I was stuck there for at least a couple of decades. I was suicidal and immobilized by FEAR. Most times, fear is a response to sensed dangers. But most often than not, fear is from IMAGINED dangers.

But what is really behind my fear is F.E.A.R.

Fright

I was always frightened.

When I walked in the rain, I was afraid that I might slip and fall. I was scared of experiencing the same pain I felt when I sprained my knee. I was petrified of riding on public transportation (since that’s where it happened when I first injured my knee).

Another thing that frightened me the most was what other people will say or think. I was scared of making mistakes. That they’d think less of me if I do this or that.

Something that I feared the most is THE FUTURE. It gave me anxiety thinking of the what-ifs in life. I was terrified of something that has no guarantee of ever happening.

Envy

I have always been attracted to the colour green. What I didn’t notice, was that my mind also turned green with envy. I started unfollowing people in social media just because they showed me stuff that I am unable to achieve.

I was envious of what others have, that I don’t have.

I started wanting more.

Anger

What’s worse other than my fright and envy, was my ANGER.

It started with having a fixed mindset. I was an achiever during my primary years, but I felt such a failure in middle school that it lingered until my early adult life. I was angry because I felt stuck with whatever situation I was on.

This anger grew out of proportion. It showed in my tone, and especially on my facial expression. I became grumpier every day.

Regret

Regret became my punishment. I dwelled too much in fear, envy, and anger that I started to regret everything. I felt disappointed with my life. I thought that I didn’t deserve to be happy.

Until I discovered MEDITATION.

A friend reminded me to “transmute FEAR into LOVE”. I never really understood until now.

I started by clearing my mind. I tried several times, but I failed even before starting.

So my friend told me to breathe and say OM when I exhale. I only did it inside my mind. I was timid to even voice it out. He then taught me GAYATRI MANTRA. I chanted it every time I am fearful of something. I never did it upon waking up (it was supposed to serve as a reset from yesterday to begin today).

He reminded me again to “transmute FEAR into LOVE.”

So I learned to L.O.V.E

Laugh

At first, it was impossible. How can I possibly laugh about what I feared? Then I remembered JK Rowling’s Harry Potter book series. The only way to vanquish a boggart is thinking about what you feared most while turning it into something funny as you say the spell Riddikulus.

So I started by thinking about how illogical some of my fears are. I then relived in my mind the time I was afraid of it. I began to see the humour of my fears and why I was afraid of it before.

Observe

I began to observe everything. My negative thoughts, my nightmares and dreams, and even people and events around me. I became less judgmental. Less envious. Less attached to people’s opinions. And I got even more detached with material things.

Vision

I now have a vision instead. My mind became open to ideas and possibilities that I could only imagine before. I started to see beyond what IS, and started to see what IS TO BE!

Enthusiasm

I became enthusiastic about everything. I was excited just BEING. With this new-found enthusiasm, PASSION was rekindled. I started to take ACTION.

When I did take action, I noticed that I was able to transmute fear into love. My destructive thoughts were now replaced by creative thoughts. I began the process of creation. I began creating ME.

I was able to do it! I know you could do it too. Join me and let’s create together. Like my FB Page and let’s progress together.